You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house---mowing lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room ...whatever.

You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit---shorts with the hole in the crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Walmart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age, you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know...you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hiar. Check yourself in the mirror ---still got it. Add shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kids sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt on that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut cologne is almost empty, so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Walmart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age, and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on. Wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dir in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror, and swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming, and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait and Beer bar and it says, "I got worms."

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog poop off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on, so you aren't sure.

In your 70's

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Walmart until they have your prescriptions ready. Don't even notice the dog poop on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember why you need to go to Walmart. Go to Walmart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.







 

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