Southernosity

 
Southernosity. Ya'll enjoy now! Ya Hear.
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissy fit and a

Conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
 Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,

peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." 
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of

"yonder."
 Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in "Going to

town, be back directly."
 Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the

white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the

middle of the table. 
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.  They might not use the

term, but they know the concept well. 
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for

neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl

of cold potato salad.  If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also

know to add a large banana puddin!
 Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and

a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile

or 20.
 Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a

redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. 
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn

signal is actually going to make a turn. 
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. 
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines We don't do

queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! 
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're

related, even if only by marriage.
 Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all." 
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. 



Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are

perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that

 fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
 When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you

Are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea

Indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.
"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.  
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old

ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.  You just say, "Bless her heart"

and go your own way.  
To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness Take

two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.

Bless your heart!  
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all

This Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes

On Southernness as a second language!
  And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long

time, y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't

from the South but I got here as fast as I could."

Bless your hearts, y'all have a blessed day

American by birth, Southern by the grace of God!
 





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